my mother was no part of my dream. That would be creepy. 

I woke myself up yelling "Don't!" and some nonsensical word that I made up. The problem is I have no recollection of the dream and that seems to be more upsetting than remembering the dream. 

I still have weird images from that Jonah Hill dream. 

I dreamt I contacted swine flu in one my classes, and then my whole left leg and part of my arm began to necrotize. It was gross. 

How'd you contact it? Phone? Email? Text? IM? 

telegram, actually. 

I saw a guy in the elevator at work that looked kinda like Jonah Hill. Fat, jew fro, sloppy.

I got the chills. 

I actually know a guy who looks like him.
I think his name is John, he dated a friend of mine for awhile... they took pictures....it was creepy. 

I was the leader of the super-hero people that survived the apocalypse,
and had a wife, but she got old, and I didn't age. And I think we had a kid.

But she would never want to have sex,
so I went and had sex with this other super hero girl,
who was our inventory girl for our supplies.

We were found out and I left to live on my own,
and after a few years they came and found me and told me everything went to shit,
and I had to come back to be the leader.

So I did, and asked where the inventory girl was (my wife was gone by then, not sure where),
and they said they never forgave her, so I screamed at them, "You can forgive me, but you can't forgive them?!?" and started to leave and they were screaming at me that they will never forgive her and that I can't leave.

And then I woke up. 

I was being stung by a million bees. One million bees. What the fuck is up with that? What the fuck is wrong with my brain? 

An acquaintance from highschool came to my house and needed to take a shower.
I was reluctant since I hadn't seen this girl in 8 or so years, but I let her in.
She got mad because she couldn't get the shower to work and accused me of playing a prank on her.
She took one of my couch cushions and left. 

I forgot what thread I was in and I got terribly confused. 

Ha, I did that yesterday. Thought I was in the joke thread and it was pretty much the stupidest joke I'd ever read. Worst punchline ever.

Then I realized I was in the dream thread :/

I had a dream last night that I went to a Muslim wedding. The sister of one of my friends was getting married and her name was Jacqueline, and somehow I'd never met her or heard of her and had no idea that anybody in the family was Muslim. So I show up wrapped in my favorite blanket, which I have to leave on the stairs for some reason, and sit in the very first row. My chair was wobbly though so I had to move to the second row.

That was pretty much it. I remember during the wedding being upset that I had left my blanket on the stairs where it was probably all stepped on and dirty and not fit for sleeping with anymore.

Oh man. Was that the point of the dream? Am I the blanket?!?!? 

yes 

I dreamt I forced some dude to have sex with me.
I pushed him into a chair and said "I want you".
He was all "what?" and I said "Do it!"
Then I made him fuck me, but he came to fast, so I left.
Then, he fell in love with me, and I was all "uhm, no".

Then I woke up. 

I still love you. 

Spank my booty has Ayn Rand's sexuality 

Dream that everytime I opened my mouth, I sounded like a nu-metal screamer. 

Ok, got a curve ball here.

I dreamt I was in the parking lot of a giant mall type place. My tailgate to my truck was down and my things were laying on it as I erected some sort of structure. This guy comes by and tries to swipe my things off my tailgate and I immediately catch him. He turns around, says sorry, and we get to talking.

Turns out that he is a she.

Cut to everyone in a field watching fireworks for the 4th. My mother, being the person she is, has everyone in my family sitting about 20 yards from where they are lighting the fireworks off from. This dream was so vivid I even felt the shockwave from the fireworks in the delayed manner they have. So the fireworks end and we all head into this building and for the doors. It was then that John Travolta locked the doors and proceeded to let everyone know they were hostages.

Well, everyone just turns around and goes out the back door they just came in and walks around the building to their vehicles.

Cut to sitting in the building talking music with David Gilmour and Roger Waters. I was explaining to them my theory on their music. More specifically, Dark Side of the Moon. We talk some more about music and I was asked by them, Roger Waters was more dominant, if I would join them for a cover on stage with Sting.

So, cut to backstage at a Sting concert and we are argueing as to what song will be played. The choices are out of two Patsy Cline tunes and a Smashing Pumpkins song which has a tuning that involves, "5 3's and a 4." That makes no sense to me but I start to learn this song and chat with Sting a little and then I was awaken by my three year old.

Damn. 

my last dream I felt that I went to the hospital, found an empty bed and tried to go to sleep in it. I remember finding the button and setting the beds position. Some nurses came in and were talking about me. One asked who I was and another just said "oh he's this guy who just likes to sleep here, he's harmless so we let him come and sleep and he leaves."

I was like WTF, i dont wanna be in the hospital, but I was comfy so I was like "whatever" and went to sleep. 

nightmares. 

I was in a Monty Python sketch. They reunited to do some new material and I was taking Graham Chapman's place. As part of the sketch, I had to lie down on the floor and breathe really fast, as if I was hyperventilating and I remember thinking this is the funniest thing I've ever seen or done in my life.

Then my wife woke me up because, apparently, I was actually hyperventilating in my sleep. 

My parents were getting their dishwasher fixed for some reason, but they were complaining that the guy didn't fix some small thing on it and had an argument with him. Although it upset him, he correctly fixed it after a bit of work. But then him and his repair buddies stole all the household appliances like washer and dryer and oven and fridge but LEFT the dishwasher fixed and ready to go. I don't really remember what happened after but i think the main repairman gave a justified reason for stealing the stuff 

I dreamed I was on an abandoned highway overpass, buying a "Coco Puffs" flavored rice crispies treat that was shaped like an uzi, wrapped in plastic wrap, from a Latino guy with a blue baseball cap. It seemed post apocalyptic, sweaty, and dusty. 

I dreamt I was buying a house from a coworker. Then I realized it was a dream, and so I said "Hey, this is a dream. Take off your clothes so I can fuck you." and then I made her get naked with the power of my mind, and promptly woke up before the sexing began.

I love lucid dreams. 

My lucid dreams always go like this:

Random Shit
Realization of unreality
Realization of dream control
Desire to have dream sex
Appearance of sexy dream girl (clothed)
Worry that dream will end before sexing
Sudden disappearance of dream girl
"Where'd you gooooo!"
Inability to control dream
Despair
Awakening 

i dreamt i spoke to my dad and he admitted what he had done...

i've been a bit of a state since that dream 

I had a dream that I accidentally made two dates for New Year's Eve, and that both of them were bringing their boats so we could celebrate on the lake and I didn't know which one to cancel, so I didn't cancel either. Then I procrastinated meeting either of them when they got to the lake and I couldn't find my makeup and ended up using some that I found in guy #1's boat, and it was way too for my skin. Then I wondered why the heck did he have makeup in his boat?

I never could make a decision, so I went for a walk. Then I heard a huge roaring sound, looked behind me, and saw a giant tidal wave coming up. I ran and ran, trying to get to higher ground, and it barely missed me. Then I saw another one! Bigger than the first. I had to run further and higher. And then again! This time it was a close call, and I had to hold on to a tree branch to keep me from getting swept away. So I'm there, clinging to this tree branch, and I look across the street to another house and see somebody over there shooting somebody in the head and pushing him into the water. The guy looks up and sees me, and now he knows he has to kill me too.

So then I wasn't only running from tidal waves, I was running from a gunman who was out to get me. And the whole time, my makeup was too dark. 

I dreamt about the Grays. Again. 

They aren't dreams. 

That's what I'm worried about.